Open Letter To My Coach Neighbour

…as inspired by John Joe O’Regan’s original post which can be found here.

My Nemesis

The bag

As I sit here sharing the already limited space aboard this coach to London, I can’t help but wonder why you think I have more space in my half than you do in yours.

The heat aboard this coach is too much, people are starting to fade, windows are starting to fog and yet you insist on invading my space with not only your elbow, but the whole of your left arm, violating me with your bodyheat as well as your offensive BO. It’s an unspoken battle as I open my latest copy of Fighters Only Magazine and flare my elbows out…and you do the same with your copy of the Manchester Evening News – even choosing to open the paper fully. But I lose, politeness takes over and now my injured right shoulder is aching again from keeping my elbows in.

You tut and suck your teeth as a vulgar smell invades your nostrils and my heart smiles. Normally I try to be polite and hold it in but not this time. I want to punish you. I farted. The fumes from the grilled chicken and rice I consumed 4 hours earlier have started to seep out but I don’t care. YOU’RE IN MY SPACE.

I work for a meager wage, it has taken me 2 and a half hours to earn my Megabus ticket and every minute I sit here next to you clutching your well used, black, leather handbag with the purple flowers, with your shoes off – I wonder if I should have worked 10 hours for a train ticket but no.

I stand by my morals and refuse to be ripped off by money grabbing corporate arseholes and this is how I pay. To be sat next to somebody who doesn’t fully vacate their seat to let somebody pass to use the toilet, choosing instead to swing your legs into the aisle and making me squeeze past you. I’m not a big guy, I’m just a touch under 6 foot tall and weigh close to 76kgs but yet I’m still twice the size of you. Why you think I’m a cat who can squeeze through the tiniest gaps, I don’t know. I am not Catman.

My heart sunk as I tried to ignore you when you first boarded. I’d also met you before. When you sat next to me in the station whilst I waited for the coach. You made me move my magazine, scarf and pasta snack when there were plenty of other seats to choose from. You placed your plastic leather bag on the armrest which separated us, it fell and you looked at me with accusing eyes. It wasn’t even me. As I boarded, claimed my seat and placed my belongings on the seat beside me, I did a great job of pretending to text – ignoring everyone who eyed up the seat, forcing them to move further up the coach. But you… YOU spoilt my day, you sidled up to the empty seat and ASKED me “Hello”, which isn’t even a proper question. “Excuse me”, is the right phrase.

Maybe I’m just being picky, maybe it’s the heat…or maybe I’m setting myself up for prison by typing all this in my phone. It’ll be the first thing the police check once they peel me off from choking you out with a beautifully applied head and arm choke.

London & Seni

I competed in London at the Gracie Invitational last weekend after toying with the idea for the last couple of weeks. For those of you that don’t know, the Gracie Invitational is one of the biggest BJJ competitions in the UK and Europe, with competitors as far out as Australia attending.

We set off to London from Manchester on Friday 25th April and the 5 hour journey flew by fairly quickly. The only time it dragged was when we finally reached London and just about covered a mile in 20 minutes because of the notorious London traffic… and we wasn’t even in Central London! After a less than impressive £5 Chinese buffet in Leicester Square, we headed back to the hotel and settled in for the night.

The next morning after breakfast and the short walk to the ExCel centre, we found where we were supposed to be competing and hung around waiting for our weight categories to be called… which took nearly all day, we arrived at 10am, I didnt compete in my white belt -82.3kgs division until around 3pm…

After a less than impressive performance, I got spanked and lost by points to somebody who deserved the win 100 times more than myself. I attempted a lame takedown which resulted in my opponent sprawling and taking top position, from which he transitioned over and over again… I lost badly. At one point, he had mount and sat up and undid his Gi while I laid there blocking his hip and not attempting to bridge or reverse him, it felt like he was there for a second, he was in fact faffing around with his Gi for closer to 10 seconds.

Needless to say, I now feel like an idiot and am really contemplating in not competing ever again. Never can I remember doing so badly, even in training. The only time I was ever that bad was when I first started and even then, in all honestly, I put up more of a fight. i feel like i’ve let down my team, my coach and all my time in training and for that, I apoligise to everyone who took the time to help me train.

Moving on, I’m proud to say that my team mates did well. Ant did REALLY well considering it was only his 3rd competition, as far as I can remember, his match was very technical and resulted in him losing by points. The same with Griff, although the decision should have gone to him rather than his opponent. The referee hardly had his eyes to the action and didn’t score a nice sweep reversal which definitely would have turned the decision round. Gaz Pilot won his first match after playing a very safe game which left his opponent exposing his back and Gaz more than willing to take it and tap him via RnC, his opponent was last years gold medallist. Unfortunately he lost his next match up via close points. Daniel Hung did quite well but looked like he struggled to settle into where he felt comfortable and was caught by an armbar which he tapped too. Casey Jones was matched up with an opponent who never let up and gave as good as he got, both competitors went at each other full on with Casey playing guard and continually trying to sweep his opponent, the points again went against him. Martin Aedma took Gold in the Purple -82.3kgs and Kenny Baker took Silver in the Purple -88.3kgs. CONGRATUALTIONS TO EVERYBODY FOR DOING SO WELL!

After all that excitement, we all chilled out and 5 of us headed out to London Central in the evening for a few drinks and some food. Note to self, The Pagoda serves better food than Mr Wu’s buffet.

The whole experience in being in London was great, even the public transport, even though it took 4 changes and a boiling hot underground tube station with rude Londoners forcing their way past. The only bad thing I have to say is, people in London need to smile more. Everybody seems so uptight and miserable, it’s a wonder why people even visit the capital in the first place.

Griff, me and Gaz being all touristy outside the ExCel

Ant and Gaz looking like they’re posing for an album cover

Team SBG Manchester

Me, Rosi Sexton, Gaz, Ant and Griff

I couldn’t go all the way to Seni and not go all Fanboy!

With Jeff Monson shortly after winning the Superfight